THERE IS HOPE MY SON

Tag: life

Uncle Bill’s Book Chapter 2 The Prodigal Son

October 27th, 2025
One might think after all the time I spent in church and in private school, I would have been this perfect little angel as a kid. Uh, nope, not even close.

I was just 12 years old when I started dreaming about moving out. Getting out from under the thumb of oppression that was my parents, motivated me, and got me through those dark years. Lol   When your grandpa used to wake me up at noon to go mow the yard on a Saturday, I would think about that moment of freedom when I turn 18, and I’d get through it. I was going to be rich; I didn’t need them. My dad was a tightwad, and scared to take risks….not me! I’ll show him.

You have to try and picture this: For 8 years of my life, I was like a guy in a cannon waiting to be shot out. I was stuck in that cannon, and if somehow, I could light the fuse of adulthood, I would blast off into everything I ever wanted. Every argument I had with Bil & Pat, (I called them by their real names a lot ) would end with me reminding them that my move out day was just XX days and 12 hours away.   I remember telling them that they would regret the way they treated me, especially when I become rich and famous.

Writing this now, looking back, it all seems pretty stupid. I don’t remember my parents giving me any real reasons to want to escape. Well, maybe a couple…. There was that one-time mom put my bed in the garage after I left to go out with my friends for the night. When I came home at some ridiculous hour, boy was I surprised! It was the peak of summer in AZ, but I wasn’t going to let her win, so I slept in the garage. I can’t imagine what that place smelled like the next day.

There was also the time mom threw all my clothes out the bedroom window, and the times she would try to yell instructions to me while I was mowing the yard. Your grandma was a little psycho back then, mostly for good reason. I was a pain in the butt! My dad always wanted me to do stuff, and do it for free. We had some epic battles on chore days. I’m not sure what my parents thought back then. I was a nightmare teenager. I think maybe they just finally threw up their arms and said: “oh well, let’s focus on the other two kids.” Lol

When I go through my old writing, I get to see what my state of mind I was in back in the day. 50% of what I wrote before 18 was about my parents and how strict they were. The other half was about all the cool things I was going to do when I wrote my book. The stuff I wrote after high school….now that is a different story.

Let’s flash forward to high school. I’ve had about 8 years of dreaming about writing, and a few thousand words hastily scribbled on notebook paper to show for it. So, I took matters into my own hands and decided I needed to live a life worthy of writing about. It sounds pretty good, until I tell you I thought partying and doing stupid funny crazy stuff, was what I needed to make my writing come alive. I started thinking maybe I’ll write a movie instead. I took a few film and screenwriting classes, and I even got an awesome video camera from my parents for Christmas. Although I had a very good imagination that I used often, I could never come up with anything that seemed better to write about than my own life.

I’ve included some pics of things I was working on, or thinking about between ages 17-30. I call this my BS time. “Before Steph”. As I told you before, there was a lot of stress when I was in my twenties. Everything I wrote about was a future scene in my movie or chapter in my book. At least that is what I thought at the time, not knowing God had a different plan. I walked around like my eyes were a video camera, filming the next adventure. There were plenty of adventures, but most of them never made it down on paper. I’d come home, write down some bullet points so that I wouldn’t forget, then never come back to finish it.

If I were to summarize everything that happened during that period it would be this: Even though I was a rebel child, God still protected me through it all. He surrounded me with the best friends in the world, and a 2^nd family who all looked out for me. I don’t want to glorify this time in my life, but it did help shape me into the man I am today. I just wish I had 1/10^th of the money I wasted back.

Uncle Bill was a great example to follow when you are looking for what “not” to do. I have been to more parties than I can count, and I have a lot of them written down in my pile of old writing. Nothing substantial ever came out of any of it, except a bunch of hangovers. That is how my twenties felt from a success standpoint too. Ugh, what a waste… I tried so hard to fight against the current and get something accomplished, but God wanted me to turn around a go with the flow.
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Uncle Bill’s Book Chapter 2 (End)

October 26th, 2025
I was 20 when I wrote the letter predicting my future would be full of wealth from sold writing and fame. I was going to be rich in 10 years, and I wouldn’t need the parents anymore. Well, that aged well!

Flash forward 7 years after I sent the letter. I was driving my mom’s mini-van, while working part-time at the Arizona Republic newspaper. Not in a writing job as you might think, but taking classified ads over the phone. I had moved in and out of the parent’s house several times, and if it wasn’t for your Aunt Steph, I would probably still live there. Life sucked! I felt depressed, I felt hopeless, I felt like a failure.

In the decade following that letter, a lot went wrong. I spent several hours in the pokey, and narrowly escaped serving a lot more. I had a car repossessed because I needed the money for beer, and I got kicked out of a couple apartments for partying too much. I had 15 jobs, and I spent very little time working at any of them. I had to sell some of my favorite things to pay off debt, rent, or for buying alcohol. The 69 mustang and the jeep were the hardest to let go.   I lived paycheck to paycheck, and always above my means.

As far as the being famous prediction went, the closest I got was being in a few local insurance commercials. I always played the part of the loser without any money, a part I was perfect for. They only picked me because I worked there, and they wanted free talent. I must have been a decent actor, because people used to recognize me and shout my name. Too bad it was just at the mall, and the only people that saw my commercials were the people who were home all day instead of working. There was the one girl who wanted to dance with me because she thought it was cool I was on tv. I might have married her, had your aunt not come into the picture and snatched me away when she saw us dancing. You aunt was the jealous type. lol

The stress was rough. Not only did I have all these financial worries, but major doubt was creeping in. I had a few jobs that helped take away the hole I had not filled yet, but they were always just temporary. I had a mid-life crisis breakdown at 27. I was only 3 years away from the cutoff I told my parents about in the letter. I was nowhere close to having anything written.

Look at the poem I wrote. (Life Lessons) I can’t tell you how much anxiety, fear, stress and tears were behind it. But, if you notice, there is also hope! I wrote this after praying. Although I didn’t have much of a relationship with God during this time period, I always went to Him when I felt everything was unbearable. I went to Him when I was desperate. He always calmed me down and brought me hope.

I was failing, and I had very little time to get it done. The partying helped me forget that I was a loser too. I talked so much crap over the years; on purpose.  I figured if I talked a ton of smack about being successful, surely that would help my pride kick in, and I would “get er done”. Again, I was wrong. 15 years after I had vowed to become a writer, I felt further away than ever.

God kept the spark there though, and occasionally, especially during very high stress times in my life, He allowed me to write some of the best stuff I ever put down on paper. I never let anyone see how disappointed I was in my life. I kept up the charade. I drove fancy cars, I dressed like a 50-year-old poser rich guy, and I still bragged about the writing, but only when I was drinking.

I was really scared. I didn’t know what life would be like living with the disappointment I set myself up for. I didn’t know if I could handle that type of pain, so I couldn’t let the dream die, or I’d risk dying inside.

So, here we have an example of 2 things: 1. I wanted to write with every ounce of my being for more than 40 years, but never got anything completed. 2. I wanted to be a good Christian, but I wasn’t anywhere close to good. I was very thankful for all the times God helped me out of a mess, but it didn’t lead to me to obey Him more. After God saved me that one time in the desert, I told Him that I’d never drink again. The next day I was right back to the hair of the dog that bit me.

It was one of the most frustrating periods in my life, and it lasted a long time. Everything I wanted to do, I didn’t. Everything I didn’t want to see happen, did. UGH!

Then, God sent me a life preserver; your aunt. God sent her in to help clean up all the messes, and make me smile at her dresses. Lol The friends and family God provided for me during my party days, were being replaced with my own family. I got married when I was 30, and we had Zach at 32. I needed motivation and my hopes lifted up, and that is just what marrying the love of my life did! I was down in the dumps about my writing, but now I had a wife and a son to think about. I would do it for them! The timing must have been all wrong before.

Nope! Wrong again. God was just planting seeds at this time. He knew what would happen over the next decade, I didn’t.

How can you believe something will happen with your whole heart, but never see it come to fruition?   How can you know how you should act, but still don’t? Why did I have to go through all this stress and anxiety?

I have the answers now, but I’ll tell you later. Keep reading.
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Uncle Bill’s Book Chapter 6: Jesus took the wheel and made a U-turn. (p1)

October 21st, 2025
It was almost 14 years ago that Uncle Bill lost his mind. I was at my “stressimus maximus”. I was miserable at work, and I knew that my day was coming soon. In fact, over the previous year, I had to lay off half of my team. Many of them were my friends, because we worked together for 7 years. This was the longest I’ve ever kept a job. I got lazy, and comfortable. This is exactly what I didn’t want to happen. I got paid a sick amount of money for the work that I did, and I bet I could have stayed there another 7 years had that darn president not been elected.

It was December of 2011 and our AZ family went up north for our annual family vacation. I really like hanging out with you guys on these vacations. It’s awesome when we are all just chillin out and making fun of your parents together.   We didn’t get to spend much time together on this vacation though. You guys were still pretty young, so you probably won’t remember uncle Bill’s breakdown. That darn guy who ran the nation worked his way into our conversation the first night there, and it got me all worked up!

I don’t even remember what your grandpa, your moms, or I said, but things got a little heated. Anyway, I stormed out of the room, flipping of my sister on the way out. (I’m sure you know which sister it was.) Lol    I can’t explain it; I wasn’t myself, but I was. I don’t remember a time I was angrier and more upset. I couldn’t understand how they could vote for that guy knowing it was going to cost me my job. Family first, right? Whatever. The next morning, I got your aunt and Zach up super early and we drove home. Well, your aunt drove us home. Uncle Bill would’ve had to stay there until all the snow melted, if he had to drive down those crazy curvy mountain roads.

It took me about 3 months to get past that one. I swore I would never go on a family vacation again, but then they started to get more fun as you guys got older and we could hang. Also, a lot changed in the 3 months after my meltdown.

Flash forward just a few months after “fight night with the family”. I was driving my sad self to work. Even though my job was a long way away, I took the back roads there. I hate sitting on the freeway in traffic, I need to be moving. I also wanted to make sure I was mentally prepared for work, and sometimes that took me a while. Anyway, after I turned a 1-hour trip into a 2-hour cruise, I finally made it to the office. Something seemed different that day, and I still can’t explain why I felt that way.

Less than two months prior, I laid off half of my team. The people that actually made work half-way enjoyable for me, were now out enjoying their new free time, while I was still stuck at work. We got a new boss who was there to figure out what to do with our department. Most of our senior leadership team thought my area would go away with the recent bill passed in DC. They panicked, and they started cutting everything and everyone they could. Eventually, their theory proved wrong, and the department is now staffed back up. But I digress….

Anyway, I walked in to my office and pulled up my emails. There was a calendar invite for that afternoon with my boss and the human resources director, down in his office.   This was it, layoff day! It was finally here! Now I have to wait all day??? It’s a little HR trick, to use Friday afternoons as the day to let people go. There is less disruption, the business is closed on the weekend, and you give the employees who still work there a few days to digest the news. I had been on the other side of this many times, but never the person waiting to be let go. It was weird.

Since I had to anxiously wait around all day, I slyly packed up everything I wanted to keep, and took several trips out to my car throughout the day. I was sneaky, so no one thought anything was up. I wasn’t supposed to know it was coming, but your Uncle Bill ain’t no fool. I went to lunch a few times that day, then I just sat around deleting emails and clearing out my desk.

Well, 4:00 finally came, and the news I was waiting a year for came with it. I was getting laid off!   They offered me a severance package, which you never get when you quit a job. I was going to get paid for a few months while I look for another opportunity. This is crazy! I drove out of that place faster than the cookie dough disappeared after my sister found it!   I went over to the K-mart down the road and called your aunt Steph from the nasty old payphone. (I had to give up my company cellphone)

Your aunt Steph knew this day was coming. She has had lots of days like this since she met me, and I would bet she expected it to happen a lot sooner than it did. On the way over to the payphone I was practicing how I would tell her. I started working on my voice inflections: ”Hey babe, (sounding down & out) I just got laid off”. I tried it a few more times before I got out of the car and put the quarter in the phone. I had to call her a couple times because she didn’t recognize the payphone number, so I had to keep that sticky, gross, nasty phone on my ear longer than I wanted to. Plus there were about 20 homeless guys in line behind me waiting impatiently.

My heart was racing. I had plenty of these conversations with your Aunt Steph before, but this one felt different. This one felt a little less my fault than usual. Still, it is hard to tell your wife you lost your job. Trust me, it doesn’t matter how many times you do it, that call home never gets easier.   “Hey babe, I just got laid off”, I told her as I struggled to keep the joy in my voice contained.   “They gave me a severance package, so I’ve got some time”. Your aunt Steph didn’t like the sound of “I’ve got time”, so she was quick to tell me I better start looking for a job now, because it can take a while. I mumbled “I’ll see you at home”, she told me she loved me, and I disinfected my face hand and ear, and got ready for the long drive home. I remember thinking: “she said she loves me, so she must not be that mad at me”. What a nutjob your uncle Bill is.

I got back in the car and started screaming with joy at the top of my lungs!   Woooooooohoooooo!   A few of the homeless guys thought I was crazy, but I didn’t care. It was OVAH!!!!!!!!! I felt all that stress just melt right off of me. I still can’t believe they keep paying you after they let you go. What a world! I stopped by my cousin’s house to celebrate and give him the good news. I called your grandma to break it to her as well. If there is anyone who has lived through more of my jobs than Steph it’s my mom. She worries about her boy.   I am a momma’s boy; I’ll never be ashamed to admit it. My mom rocks. You know guys know it. Well, she wasn’t too happy about the job going away, but what’s a mother to do? Life got a little less hectic for my her when your aunt Steph came in the picture. It’s like now Steph could take over, and my mom could worry more about you guys. lol

I stayed at this job until God made me leave. I had never done that before. I didn’t handle the year I was waiting for layoff day very well, but I made it. I just kept thinking maybe now is the time to finish the book! This has to be why I got laid off. It’s frickin time!!!!!!   Or maybe not….that was 13 years ago….
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Uncle Bill’s Book. Chapter 6 (p2)

October 20th, 2025
I spent the next few months before the severance money ran out, trying my hardest to get something written. It had to be the time now. Getting laid off work was the event that would catapult me in to being a successful author, right? Uh….Nope.

I tried starting my own business, and I shacked up in my sister’s office space. That lasted a couple months at best, because that darn president didn’t give me the free money I was hoping for. Still, it was way fire to spend some time with my sister! I even got to see Riley and Kali a lot because they weren’t in school yet, and the office became their daycare center some days. The conference room was their playroom/prison cell. Lol

Even with 4 months of total free time, I couldn’t get a thing done. Instead I went golfing, hung out with cousin Kenny, and spent money like I still had a job. I admit, the whole “getting paid for not working” thing was really not good for me. Your poor Aunt Steph, she saw the same pattern over and over during our time together. Make money, spend money, quit job, run out of money, find new job, make money, and on and on… It was a pattern that I’m sure she still has concerns might happen again in the future. After 4 months of pretty much stress-free fun, I started to get worried. It was obvious I wasn’t going to sell my book before the mortgage payment was due on our house next month.

I hope you learn a lot quicker than Uncle Bill, so you won’t have to go through so much of your life feeling the kind of stress I went through. Make no mistake, I brought all the stress on myself, and I had zero options left.   I needed someone to save me from feeling so horrible.

I am literally bawling right now after typing out how stressed I used to be. I remember that sick stressful feeling so well, that it’s bringing me to tears because I haven’t felt that way in a long time. Wow. That is how God works kids! It’s like a total relief I can’t even begin to explain. It’s like I can finally breathe now…

Anywho, back to the story. The party was over, and I gave up. I brought in the big guns to help me. I had to do something drastic.

I need to get up and take a break.   I can’t stop crying thinking about this stuff. Holy cow, things have changed a lot since those high stress times. I keep having these flashbacks in my head about what I was thinking back then. There were a lot of happy times sprinkled in there, but how could you ever really be happy, when your lifelong dreams are being shattered? It was a tough pill to swallow at the time, and that is why I am getting so emotional about it right now.

So where were we? Oh yeah, I started reading the Bible. I started praying those “please Lord, help me!” prayers with tears and sometimes fist pounding into the pillow or steering wheel of my car. I needed help getting rid of this pain and disappointment! So I went to the only option I had left: God.

It stinks that sometimes God has to bring people down so low, that they have to look up to Him for help. I am sure glad He brought me low, because it changed me forever.

Today was the first time in a long time that I looked at my life right now and said “it doesn’t get any better than this!” I try to imagine what it would be like had God decided to keep me at that job another 7 years. I can feel the stress just thinking about it. No joke, my heart rate went up and I started getting that feeling in the pit of my stomach again. At the time, I was so pissed off at the darn president, my family, the company I worked for, and anyone else I could blame. Now, I can’t imagine it all going down any other way. I’m doing what I’ve always wanted to, but with God’s twist on it.

This is how I usually notice God’s work in my life. It’s almost always when I take the time to reflect back on key events like losing my job and family fight night. Usually, when you are going through these big life changes, you’re not seeing things clearly. It is really hard to step back in the moment and ask God what He is doing, and what His purpose for it is. It takes a lot of practice, but Uncle Bill is much better at it now.

The moral of the story is that Uncle Bill couldn’t see that God had a plan that was different than his own. I never could have pictured that I would end up where I am right now. When God got the guy in the White House elected, I highly doubt He did it just so I would lose my job. There are a lot of easier ways to get me to leave a place. But He used the bill that was passed to get what He wanted done: me out of the job, and secure financially for the time being.

I should have never been stressed about a job enough to act the way I did on family fight night. I never should have let myself get so down when things didn’t turn around right after I was let go.   I should have had more patience. Nothing ever moves fast enough for me, but God isn’t confined by time like we are. God is eternal, and outside of time. His timing in the events of my life was always perfect, because the things I went through and those moments in time, shaped me into who I am today. Little did I know He had quite a bit more teaching to go… Stay tuned. Next chapter I get schooled.
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Chapter 14: The why.

September 21st, 2025
Haley

I am so proud of the young woman you have become! I am always watching from afar; and seeing you grow and mature has been pretty awesome. No matter how far away you live, or how long in between seeing you, I am always thinking about you. I have also watched your journey to find out about God. I know some of the so-called Christians you have seen in your life aren’t the best examples. I saw you get turned off by the rock-star like church services, and disappointed when you found a great preacher, who later had to step down over something he did wrong.

I was pretty zealous when I started reading the Bible. That can be a good thing, but it can also make someone come off like a “holier than thou” person. I tried really hard for the last several years to make sure you knew I wasn’t like that. I just sat back and waited for the opportunity to talk to you about God. This book is my opportunity. I know you have lots of questions, and I know you have seen the hypocrite Christians out there. God must have given you some great discernment to be able to spot fakes or hypocrites, because I saw you doing it before you even knew what the Bible said about it. I am overjoyed to hear that you are reading your Bible. I can tell you with 100% certainty that the Bible is God’s Word, there are no contradictions, and the answers are all there.

I am so grateful that you are my niece! You are so smart and of course beautiful inside and out. The passion you have for helping others in incredible, and I can’t believe you have been able to put all the cancer charity events together to honor your grandma. It just makes me so happy that I am related to you.

Love you so much!

Uncle Bill

Nikkolina

Yo Nikk, thanks for being such a great niece! You are such a bright light when you enter a room. I have watched how much you love to help other people; and your positive attitude is infectious. That is a gift young lady, and a very unique one! You just make me smile every time I see you. It’s like I still picture 6-year-old Nikk running and giving me a hug. You have never changed, and that is pretty remarkable. I know inside, or when you aren’t around others, it may not always feel so rosy, but the joy and laughter you have brought to so many people, including those you have served at work, make a huge difference in people’s lives. That is something to be incredibly proud of!

It’s funny how us old people work. I always think back to all the “what happened to Nikk?” times in my life. The bee sting, the broken arm, falling off the swing, and many more. You are so darn tough; and God wanted you that way for a reason. I admire the joy you have in life and how it sure seems to me like you don’t take any day for granted. We could drop you in the middle of any town or city in the world and within a week you would have a ton of new friends. People are attracted to you because of the gift you have.

God blessed me big-time when I married into the family and I got to be your Uncle.

I can’t wait to see you for Christmas. I am counting down the days. Give Jack a big hug for me!

I love you!

Uncle Bill

Jack

Yo Jacko. Right now, you are my favorite nephew named Jack. You might have some competition in the future if I ever get another Jack as a nephew, so you better be on top of your game. Lol Seriously though, it has been a privilege watching you grow from just a poor farm kid on Tatooine to the Jedi fly-boy you are today. You always crack me up. I don’t know what it is, but I can just look at you and start laughing. It has been that way since you were 2. Even funnier was watching you and Miles together when you were kids. It was like a comedy routine, where you were the comic and Miles was the audience.

Dude, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate our walks together. The fact that you continue to invite me to hang out with you and chat means more to me than you will ever know. (Well maybe now you know lol) Our talks are awesome and I think we have touched on just about every topic of the day. I still think we are going to do a podcast together some day.

I will always be here for you, as long as I am still here. I hope this book can answer some questions for you, and maybe get you to ask a few more.

Thanks for being such a great nephew!

Uncle Bill

Miles

Yo, what up? You are the man, Miles. Until Jack steps up and starts wanting to golf all the time, you will be my favorite. Lol I am just so darn fortunate (unlike our sports teams) because I got to spend so much time around you. Ripping on your pop wouldn’t be near as much fun without you in the mix. I am also very impressed at how disciplined you are with work and school. You always had the craziest memory. I couldn’t ever slip anything past you. If we wanted an honest answer, and the adults weren’t giving one, we would go to you. It was great getting to coach your basketball team with your dad that one year too.

It’s been pretty special to watch you grow up. Getting to hang out with you all summer golfing was more fun than any other golfing I’ve done. Even if we played like crap, I still had fun. Thanks for letting me beat you, and thanks for always agreeing with your uncle’s sports takes over your dad’s.

Let me know if you ever have any questions or if you need anything. I am always available for you my brotha.

Peace!

Uncle Bill

Kali

Yo, what up gurl? Thanks for being such a wonderful and caring niece! I have totally loved all the time we got to spend together while you were growing up. I am so proud of the young lady you have become! The way you help others and put others first is a really big gift God gave you. I always appreciated the birthday cards, and you are still the first to respond to any of us old people when we need something.

I can’t wait to see what God does in your life and where you go next after high school. Wherever you go, I hope it isn’t too far, because we need you around here to help keep Miles and Jack in line. You are funny and smart and an awesome part of our family. Thanks for making me smile! Thanks for putting up with my sister all these years. She means well. Haha!

I am always here for you.

Love you!

Uncle Bill

Riley

Yo. Sup? What u dewin? When I was looking through pictures for this book, you were in a lot more of them than your cousins. I think It could be that you had more sporting events to photo than anyone else? You also fell down a lot, and that made for some good pics. Thanks for being such a great niece. I am so glad your mom was too busy to hang out with you and we got to spend so much time together. Lol You know I think you a fire, and I thought that way before that word was cool.

I am very proud of the strong young woman you have become. You are wicked smart and when you agree with your Uncle Bill you are right a lot. Thanks for putting up with my nephew all these years, I know that wasn’t easy.   Being the youngest out of all the nieces and nephews can stink, but you make up for it by being the coolest.

Reach out to me anytime you need me.

Love you!

Uncle Bill

TEAR OUT IN CASE OF EMERGENCY

Below are signs that the tribulation period (hell on earth) is here
1. There is a world leader or diplomat who will strike a peace deal that allows Israel to rebuild their temple on the temple mount in Jerusalem.
2. If Uncle Bill was alive and went missing before the peace deal happens, then you are in tribulation. (just check local hospitals first, I am pretty old now)
3. There is a prophet from the Old-Testament named Elijah. He is going to come back and get Israel focused on God again.
4. There will only be 10 people ruling over the entire world. They might be called kings, rulers, presidents or whatever, but the key is there are 10. Right now there are hundreds, so this will be a noticeable change.
5. There will be another world war. We are not sure if it will be the next world war or another after it. Most say it will be WWIII, because they can’t image much survival from it with all the nukes out there.
6. Famines will have been increasing around the world and in places no one would have expected. Food shortages will raise the cost of a loaf of bread to around $100 or an average person’s daily pay.
7. Earthquakes will be increasing, and you should have noticed them happening in places they never used to. The largest earthquake ever is coming during tribulation.
8. Plagues will be increasing, and most of the earth will be start seeing them. Tribulation will be the only time in world history where men want to die to avoid the plagues God brings on them, but are not able to. God ensures no one can kill themselves, or die in any other way to avoid His wrath.
If you are reading this and the things above are happening, don’t lose hope. Maybe this is the time God has planned for you to come to faith. Whatever you do, don’t take the mark of the beast. You will know it when you see it, because people will be killed for not taking it. God tells us death is a good thing during tribulation because your spirit goes right to heaven and out of that hell on earth.
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