It was almost 14 years ago that Uncle Bill lost his mind.  I was at my “stressimus maximus”.  I was miserable at work, and I knew that my day was coming soon.  In fact, over the previous year, I had to lay off half of my team.  Many of them were my friends, because we worked together for 7 years.  This was the longest I’ve ever kept a job.  I got lazy, and comfortable.  This is exactly what I didn’t want to happen.  I got paid a sick amount of money for the work that I did, and I bet I could have stayed there another 7 years had that darn president not been elected. 

It was December of 2011 and our AZ family went up north for our annual family vacation.  I really like hanging out with you guys on these vacations.  It’s awesome when we are all just chillin out and making fun of your parents together.   We didn’t get to spend much time together on this vacation though.  You guys were still pretty young, so you probably won’t remember uncle Bill’s breakdown.  That darn guy who ran the nation worked his way into our conversation the first night there, and it got me all worked up!   

I don’t even remember what your grandpa, your moms, or I said, but things got a little heated.  Anyway, I stormed out of the room, flipping of my sister on the way out.  (I’m sure you know which sister it was.)  Lol    I can’t explain it; I wasn’t myself, but I was.  I don’t remember a time I was angrier and more upset.  I couldn’t understand how they could vote for that guy knowing it was going to cost me my job.  Family first, right?  Whatever. The next morning, I got your aunt and Zach up super early and we drove home.  Well, your aunt drove us home.  Uncle Bill would’ve had to stay there until all the snow melted, if he had to drive down those crazy curvy mountain roads. 

It took me about 3 months to get past that one.  I swore I would never go on a family vacation again, but then they started to get more fun as you guys got older and we could hang. Also, a lot changed in the 3 months after my meltdown.    

Flash forward just a few months after “fight night with the family”.   I was driving my sad self to work.  Even though my job was a long way away, I took the back roads there.  I hate sitting on the freeway in traffic, I need to be moving.  I also wanted to make sure I was mentally prepared for work, and sometimes that took me a while. Anyway, after I turned a 1-hour trip into a 2-hour cruise, I finally made it to the office.  Something seemed different that day, and I still can’t explain why I felt that way. 

Less than two months prior, I laid off half of my team.  The people that actually made work half-way enjoyable for me, were now out enjoying their new free time, while I was still stuck at work.  We got a new boss who was there to figure out what to do with our department.  Most of our senior leadership team thought my area would go away with the recent bill passed in DC.  They panicked, and they started cutting everything and everyone they could.  Eventually, their theory proved wrong, and the department is now staffed back up. But I digress…. 

Anyway, I walked in to my office and pulled up my emails.  There was a calendar invite for that afternoon with my boss and the human resources director, down in his office.   This was it, layoff day!  It was finally here!   Now I have to wait all day??? It’s a little HR trick, to use Friday afternoons as the day to let people go.   There is less disruption, the business is closed on the weekend, and you give the employees who still work there a few days to digest the news.  I had been on the other side of this many times, but never the person waiting to be let go.  It was weird. 

Since I had to anxiously wait around all day, I slyly packed up everything I wanted to keep, and took several trips out to my car throughout the day.  I was sneaky, so no one thought anything was up.  I wasn’t supposed to know it was coming, but your Uncle Bill ain’t no fool.  I went to lunch a few times that day, then I just sat around deleting emails and clearing out my desk. 

Well, 4:00 finally came, and the news I was waiting a year for came with it.  I was getting laid off!   They offered me a severance package, which you never get when you quit a job.  I was going to get paid for a few months while I look for another opportunity.  This is crazy!  I drove out of that place faster than the cookie dough disappeared after my sister found it!   I went over to the K-mart down the road and called your aunt Steph from the nasty old payphone. (I had to give up my company cellphone)  

Your aunt Steph knew this day was coming.  She has had lots of days like this since she met me, and I would bet she expected it to happen a lot sooner than it did.  On the way over to the payphone I was practicing how I would tell her.  I started working on my voice inflections:  ”Hey babe, (sounding down & out) I just got laid off”.  I tried it a few more times before I got out of the car and put the quarter in the phone.  I had to call her a couple times because she didn’t recognize the payphone number, so I had to keep that sticky, gross, nasty phone on my ear longer than I wanted to.  Plus there were about 20 homeless guys in line behind me waiting impatiently.  

My heart was racing.  I had plenty of these conversations with your Aunt Steph before, but this one felt different. This one felt a little less my fault than usual. Still, it is hard to tell your wife you lost your job.  Trust me, it doesn’t matter how many times you do it, that call home never gets easier.    “Hey babe, I just got laid off”, I told her as I struggled to keep the joy in my voice contained.   “They gave me a severance package, so I’ve got some time”.  Your aunt Steph didn’t like the sound of “I’ve got time”, so she was quick to tell me I better start looking for a job now, because it can take a while.  I mumbled “I’ll see you at home”, she told me she loved me, and I disinfected my face hand and ear, and got ready for the long drive home. I remember thinking: “she said she loves me, so she must not be that mad at me”.  What a nutjob your uncle Bill is.

I got back in the car and started screaming with joy at the top of my lungs!   Woooooooohoooooo!   A few of the homeless guys thought I was crazy, but I didn’t care.  It was OVAH!!!!!!!!!  I felt all that stress just melt right off of me.  I still can’t believe they keep paying you after they let you go.  What a world!  I stopped by my cousin’s house to celebrate and give him the good news.  I called your grandma to break it to her as well.  If there is anyone who has lived through more of my jobs than Steph it’s my mom.  She worries about her boy.   I am a momma’s boy; I’ll  never be ashamed to admit it.  My mom rocks.  You know guys know it. Well, she wasn’t too happy about the job going away, but what’s a mother to do? Life got a little less hectic for my her when your aunt Steph came in the picture.  It’s like now Steph could take over, and my mom could worry more about you guys.  lol 

I stayed at this job until God made me leave.  I  had never done that before.  I didn’t handle the year I was waiting for layoff day very well, but I made it. I just kept thinking maybe now is the time to finish the book!  This has to be why I got laid off.  It’s frickin time!!!!!!   Or maybe not….that was 13 years ago….