Son, I want to tell you about finding the right partner in life. When I was 16, I thought I had it all figured out. I wanted a beautiful wife, one who would not lose her looks as she aged. I wanted a wife who would let me do whatever I wanted to do. She would take care of me. We would travel the world and have houses all over the USA. We would be very happy. We would have kids, 3 to be exact, and life would end well for us. Guess what? As I’ve told you before, things do not always go according to plan.
Well I definitely married the most beautiful girl in the world, and yes her looks only improved with age. However, after I met and got to know your mom I realized the wife I envisioned at 16 was not what I really wanted or needed. Now I knew I wanted an equal, someone who I could learn from. I wanted a partner who would challenge me and make up for some of my areas of opportunity. I had my share of girlfriends who didn’t fit this mold and they didn’t last long. (Ok, there were only 2) You see, I had it all planned out when I was still too young to realize not everything I wanted made sense.
Here is how I knew your mom was the one for me:
Our first real date: As you know from previous posts I was very money motivated and cared too much about what people thought of me. I tried to impress your mom by borrowing my friend Miguel’s Impala. I wasn’t sure how comfortable she would be in my jeep, as it only had a bikini top on and it was pretty cold out. I told her the Impala was my 2nd car. This was my attempt to get her thinking: “he must have money; he would be a great boyfriend”. Your mom later told me she thought I was an idiot for having two cars. She wasn’t impressed. She just thought it was a waste of money. This was my first clue I was on the right track to finding my perfect wife.
The second clue was when I realized she didn’t believe most of my wild stories. She didn’t care about all that, she could see right through me. Thank God she could tell there was a good man deep down inside. She was the only person who didn’t fall for my B.S. She grounded me. She was realistic, while I was a “pie in the sky” guy.
Your mom definitely was not a pushover. She wasn’t about to let me do whatever I wanted to do. It was about finding things “we” wanted to do. I had never met someone like her before. She wasn’t an easy catch. I had to work hard, and it took a long time to “reel her in”. By the time I finally got to the point of getting engaged, she had already changed me. This was an incredibly good thing.
She made me want to be a better person, a rare feat because I thought I was already the best. She humbled me, and made me realize how much I needed her in my life. I had to have her help to take my personal development to the next level.
I almost screwed things up with her many times while we were dating. I would tell her lies when I knew she wouldn’t be happy with some stupid thing I did. One time I told her I went to work, when instead I was sitting in my apartment partying with my friends. She came over and discovered I had lied. She was so mad, you would have thought I was there cheating on her. This is what I learned from her: It wasn’t the act she caught me in, it was the lie. Her integrity is unmatched, and it was quality a big B.S.er like me just had to have in my life.
God knew what I needed was not necessarily what I thought I wanted. He put your mom and me together for a reason. In essence she did take care of me; she helped make me who I am today. I told you about my darker days when I wasn’t feeling so good about myself because my vision of the future didn’t turn out like I thought it would. During those times, the one positive I always found was that I did indeed get something right……I married you mom. No, we didn’t have three kids, but who cares because I have you. We don’t have houses all over the country, but we are happy. Nothing else matters.
Take your time and find the right person. Don’t make some crazy list of what you think you are looking for; instead just make sure you spend enough time to really get to know everything about them. Talk about your future and what you each see in it. Make sure it aligns. Make sure that person has your same moral compass and beliefs. Make sure your mom and dad like them. Pray, and God will help you with these decisions.
Your mom and I have been married now for 15 years. It hasn’t always been easy, no marriage is. Work hard to always change and improve yourself. If you truly love someone it will all be worth it.
“Better to live in a desert, than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife.”